all the "right" reasons

nothing's really going on today. i just wanna post my disappointment for making the decision not to apply to UC Berkeley! i wouldn't wanna brag about how i would potentially have a chance to be accepted to berkeley and refused to do it because i do not have enough information about it, cuz that would be a total bull and just a piece of shitty arrogance coming out of my mouth (but that was the excuse i told ppl today). that is probably ( i am not even sure why the hell did i give such reason) just a cover-up for not applying to prevent the downfall of my pride from happening later if my application to Berkeley was declined, which i'm pretty sure would be the case. i don't know.

yesterday, actually there's this girl, Miyuki (whom I coincidentally just met), who asked me again if Architecture (my intended major currently) is really my passion. that question seems like a god-send to me because: (1.)I just met her and (2.)the many times i heard the question again from myself or even from other people, it always dumbstrucks and shooks me hard in the head and heart because, honestly, i don't have the answer myself. is this God's way of asking me,

"Are you sure this is what you want to do? your passion? your desire?"
"Well, I DON'T KNOW!"

a childish answer I must say. but, considering that i always liked designing stuffs and drawing, i presumed that this might be the right thing for me. but how do you actually sense a right or wrong choice you have made? you wouldn't know the answer to this before you got the result of your choice. and that... wow I drifted too far.

i know i want to take something which majors in art but not limited to art and that is why i feel architecture is for me. another thing is the big bucks that we'd be paid for being one. moreover, i also had ambitions about having my architectural buildings decorating the horizon of the biggest cities in the world. all the "right" reasons.